


dreaming my blues

by sexiudreams (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson)



Series: XiuKai [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Dreams, Heartache, Idol Kim Minseok | Xiumin, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:16:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson/pseuds/sexiudreams
Summary: Snowy winters in a far away cabin with hot chocolate and a gummy smile. That's all Jongin dreams about.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pandora](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11940450) by [WorldsJunk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorldsJunk/pseuds/WorldsJunk). 



Jongin dreams of coffee stained kisses.

Coffee stained kisses in the snowy morning of winter, tucked into bed and laughing against His neck. The snow will filter down and blanket them away from the world, in their small lodge. A small lodge out in the woods. Buried between the trees, where humanity will never find them. Curled in front of a sofa and a fire.

Minseok smiling and ruffling Jongin's hair. Laughing and giggling as they tickle each other mercilessly. Stealings sips of each other's drinks. Accusing the other who tries to deny it but they've got foam on their top lip. They laugh and poke each other with soft, sock-clad feet. Jongin squirms when Minseok catches his sensitive spot on his stomach and Minseok smiles his gummy smile. Jongin laughs and puts his mug down to scramble over and kiss all over the gummy smile, making Minseok laugh harder.  
Minseok's arms loop around his waist and he holds Jongin tight, whispers stuff about _his Jonggie, his nini, his precious boy, he needs to wake up, needs to wake up for school, Jongin_ get _up!_

And Jongin's eyes flicked open, alone in his bed to the cold of his room. And his heart drops as the morning daydream fades, his hallucination gripped by the fading fingers of sleep. His eyes focus on the poster for Xiumin's debut release, tacked onto his wall - the corner is curling up, he needs to gently rearrange the pins. Jongin sighs and goes through his morning routine. Coffee, breakfast, brush his teeth, get in the shower, get dressed.

Jongin sighs heavily at the poster. He carefully repins it and stares at the cat eyes staring at him, the gummy smile, the soft brown hair. Jongin swallows and returns to shoving his feet in his shoes and pulling his bag over his head.

He's not delusional. He knows that Kim Minseok, South Korea's heartthrob, won't ever date him.

Maybe that's why it hurts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _i wasn't gonna continue this but this sprouted and who knows maybe i'll have a little fic of lovefelt and heartaching jongin_

It hurts when Jongin stands in the queue at the fan meet. He shouldn't be here. His Mother had grounded him for spending all his savings. When the box of fifty albums had shown up on their doorstep, she had lost it. She had immediately grounded him. His ticket to the fan meet for buying so many albums had been confiscated.

Jongin had waited until the last possible minute. He had gotten dressed in silence, sneaked into her room. He had found the ticket in seconds and slipped out her window. The rose plant there proved to be troublesome, but easy to climb down. He had crept along the window and sprinted down the driveway. He grabbed the packed backpack he had left under their bush the night before.

Now, Jongin was here. His heart was racing, beating faster each step he took closer. He could almost hear his voice - Minseok was known for speaking softly. He spoke softly, gentle so that only the fan he was talking to could hear him. Traces of his quiet laugh could be heard as Jongin took another step forward. Three places away.

His stomach did somersaults as Minseok glanced his way. It was just to look at the line, but the split second of eye contact had his heart aching. His best friends had advised him not to come. _It'll only make it worse for you, Jongin,_ but here he was.

Jongin hadn't bought so many albums to come here. Minseok had a scandal, coming out as gay publicly, and had lost support. He saved everything he could, every last paycheck. He did extra chores around the house. He mowed every lawn in his neighbourhood. It totalled up to allow him to buy fifty-seven albums and he did it. He didn't care when it showed up on his doorstep. He did online giveaways and saved albums up. He could use them for future giveaways; vote on this poll and send proof to be entered. He could use them to further Minseok's career and help him regain his popularity.

The second person in line.

Jongin swallowed and his mind went blank. He forgot everything he had been planning to say.

Next person in line.

Jongin took a sharp breath and stared down at the small collection of albums and posters in his hand. Each album since Minseok's debut, every mini album, all five of them. The two posters that had come with the two albums. A small limited edition photo card. He wondered if Minseok would have time to sign them all. He was surprised security had even let him in with the armful of goods. Minseok's entire idol life fit securely in his arms and Jongin wished Minseok could as well.

He stepped forward and smiled weakly as he set the small armful down.

Minseok's eyes lit up in delight as he saw it all and leaned forward to pick up his first mini album. "I haven't seen one of these in a while, you were one of the one thousand to buy an album? Who am I signing for?" He looked up at Jongin, smiling wide, eyes bright, and Jongin forgot how to talk.

He nodded weakly. "Yeah, I-" He coughed a little. "I followed you since the survival show. I think I was one of the very first preorders for it. I'm Jongin."

Minseok started signing, obviously happy. "You've got everything, you must be dedicated."

"I try to be. I try to help where I can... I actually ordered, way too many albums for this comeback."

Minseok laughed softly, carefully unrolling a poster. "How many did you buy?"

Jongin shuffled on his feet. "Fi-Fifty-seven."

Minseok paused and looked up, eyes wide. "That's- That's amazing... I remember seeing the order. Thank you- what are you going to do with so many albums?"

He paused to lean on his elbow, listening intently.

Jongin blushed a little. "I gave about thirty of them away to fans who couldn't afford the album. The rest I'm saving for the future when they can be used to give people incentive to vote and such."

Minseok smiled softly and went back to signing. "That's really heartwarming to hear. Thank you for looking after the fans who can't afford to. Elsas need more people like you in the fandom."

Jongin's heart could burst, as he gently took his goods back. "I love you, Minseok."

If at all shocked by the use of his given name, rather than his idol name, Minseok didn't show it. "I love you too, Jongin."

Tears pushed up and sat in a lump in Jongin's throat as he stepped away when ushered by a manager. Minseok greeted the next fan in line with the exact same enthusiasm.

Jongin's friends were right. _I love you too, Jongin_.  
  
This just made it four hundred times worse.


	3. Chapter 3

It hurts, and Jongin doesn't know how it hurts even more. He doesn't know how his heart breaks further when it's already in two. The new music video has just dropped, the title track for album three - unnamed as of now.  
  
_ You Are the One _

__   
Jongin’s not stupid. He knows he shouldn’t listen to it. It’s a love song, of sorts, for an upcoming drama that Minseok’s acting in. He had followed the news closely. The first web drama to feature a gay couple, in love, no stereotypes. There had been a small legal battle on whether Minseok could release the song officially on an album. The company had relented and allowed him. And now here it was.   
  
Jongin shouldn’t click on it. But a glance at the time told him he’d already wasted time. Twenty-four-hour streaming was starting and it was already four minutes past the hour. One stream wasted.   
  
Jongin clicked.

  
The video started off simply enough. White font explaining the song and the drama it’s from. Simple. Jongin can deal with that.   
  
But then it cuts to Minseok, putting on his earphones, with short brown hair. In a slightly too big hoodie and focusing on his singing, getting ready to sing. Clips of the drama where he looks ethereal. And then Minseok singing, eyes sparkling as he checks the lyric sheet. More clips of him, the most adorable fucking clown in existence. Smiling and making hearts at the camera. His character jealous of a girl flirting with his crush. More of him singing.   
  
Jongin looks away and focuses on the lyrics. That’s even fucking worse.   
_   
Show me the love and so I will tell you at this time; whisper in my ear that you love me. You are the one I want to love; whenever I look at you; you are my destiny, now come to me a bit more. _   
  
Ugly tears prick in Jongin’s eyes as he forced himself to listen through it at least once.    
  
_ Love is you; I like how you look; I want to tell you everything; tell me you love me, that I’m the only one.   
At times I’m afraid this is a dream. Look at me and promise that it’s us two   
You are the one, love is you, I like how you look; I want to tell you everything; tell me you love me, that I’m the only one.   
_ _   
_ Jongin can’t stop his tears, as he flicks tabs to set up his streaming set up. He doesn’t bother trying to stop them. It’s like Minseok ripped the goddamn lyrics out of Jongin’s own head. It’s everything he wishes for with Minseok, every thought, every hope of Minseok telling him he loves him, and not as an idol to a fan. He doesn’t listen to it throughout the twenty-four hours streaming.   
  
Instead, he logs onto his Twitter account and posts a bunch of tweets on the hashtag for it. People ask him about the views and their goals. He informs them, at least five million views in the first twenty four hours, and he’ll keep an update.   
  
The glimpses of Minseok’s serene face, voice going through to deaf earphones, kills him each view check.    
  
Jongin logs onto his private account for a moment.   
  
__ you are my only one, minseok


End file.
